To save a drowning Namine
by Kismet's Kiss
Summary: So, this is a Christmas gift to my dearest of friends, Renalin. It's pure crack. Seriously. You probably shouldn't click it...but just so you know? It's RoxasxNamine...somewhow. And Axel, as in, RoxasxAxel. Kinda. ENJOY!


**Hehe, who would have thought I would have actually made a Kingdom Hearts Fanfiction? Well, thanks to Ren, such a catastrophe shall commence in…**

_**3**_

**I do not own the characters, just the impossible situation I placed them in.**

_**2**_

**It's RoxasxNamine, Rejoice!**

_**1**_

**I got nothing…**

_**GO!**_

"Hey, Roxas! I have an idea! Wanna know what it is? DO ya?" The brunette haired, red one piece suit wearing teen, eagerly pouncing on the back of his heels was waiting eagerly for the blonde to reply. When said reply never came a pout started to form on the lower lips of the energetic lad and then the crossing of the arms, the tapping of the feet that escalated into stomping and jumping was furthered progressed by a loud shout of the other persons' name.

"ROXAS!"

"…yes?"

"Weren't you listening???"

"No, Sora., I wasn't. Instead, I was listening to my cool new iphone that holds up to like, the world's biggest byte space ever created and was inwardly rocking out to the song, _Hide and seek_, by Imogean Heap. Thus, was the reason why I wasn't listening, Sora. Duh?"

"How can you rock out to Imogean Heap…? It's not a 'rocking out to' kinda song, you know? It's depressing! You should listen to insanely preppy songs like, Care Bears or freakin' Brittany Spears or, oh wait-didja knows Jamie Lynn is pregnant? How awesome is that?! More Spears kids into the world to take over the headlining news, more stealers of lighters, and running over the toes of paparazzi, and hey! Maybe we might get lucky and have-"

"Shut up, how are you here anyways? Aren't you apart of _me_?"

"Hey! Why do I you always have to be the Seme! I'm tired of the roles!"

"Get back in me now."

"Tch, alright." And with that Sora proceeded to become 'one' with Roxas again.

-

"Hey, Blondie!"

The blonde's interests were piqued not because someone was calling his name, for almost everyone calls his name every minute of the day, every day. He _is_ kawaii after all, a down right stud, he knows this very well and can't help the soft glow of egotistic eccentricity overflow him at this moment. No, the reason why his interests were particularly piqued this time so much so that he was actually _inclined_ to turn his head to address the caller of his wonderful name, was because the called of said name was Naminè, the love of his life, his soul mate, his other being, his sex toy, his drug dealing partner, his sometime unless otherwise specifically requested not to partake in it, partner within his ever so wanted threesome with Axel who comes back from the afterlife just to bask in the experience of such a glorious event when three beings enjoy in each other's embrace.

"Roxas…helllooooooo, you awake there you silly person?" giggling and throwing her hands behind her while leaning forward, said boy snapped out of his erotic daydream and grinned sheepishly at the petite girl in front of him.

"Ah, Naminè, how are you?"

"okie-dokie Artichoke!"

"That's…_swell_. Wat'cha up to?" Giggling she glomped him which really, he didn't mind, he's been glomped more than enough times by now so as to become to immune to its tendencies of being quite painful. Some may go as far to say that's he's become just like a plushie himself, soft and squishy and without feeling for soreness.

"Just doing the usual, drawing random people I pass by on the street and entrapping them with my wizardly, witchly powers in some random vortex of doom, watching as pages depict with every flip, a new adventure and how they handle it. Earlier this morning, this black haired male I drew, was so distraught that I sent him to a land filled with purple and pink ponies; he impaled himself with one of the poor little pony's horns! How terrible for that pony that she had to drag around a recently deceased corpse in front of her face until I decided to erase him."

"…"

"SO! What have you've been up to?"

Never noticing that the boy had stepped a couple of feet away from her, said boy dug his hands into his pockets before shrugging nonchalantly. "Dunno, was thinking of just taking a walk, getting some ice cream, and maybe going to sleep. Why?"

"Oh! Why don't we stroll together, like, a date!"

Upon hearing the word 'together' all the blood rushed to the boy's head. "You…mean-um, like, a date?"

"…" Pivoting, she ran behind him. "Duh! I _just_ said that! Geez, have you become mentally retarded over night?"

"It's not my fault my daddy dropped when I was a baby! He had very shaky hands, it was a condition! **There was nothing he could do!!"**

"But, Roxas. You were never really born. You are Sora's like…inner being person thing. Like I am Kairi's, remember?"

Becoming sage like now, Roxas placed the palm of his hand on his chin and nodded. "_We have no real lives…_"

"That's right, Roxas. Any minute they can over power us, thank god we subdue them with tranqs. man, and high amounts of crack and cocaine, or else we'd be lost forever…"

"Oh…is that what you do?" Laughing nervously, Roxas knew he had to change the subject before he revealed his method of forcing exhaustion upon Sora. "HEY! Let's see if you can walk on water! Like DOG!"

"Don't you mean GO-AH!!!!!?"

"Well, of course I did Naminè, but you see? The author has a habit of '_Typo_ing' and is far too lazy to hit the backspace keep to rectify her most horrible mistakes. Instead she'll just make me go on this little tangent as you forcibly drown to death, just to get her point of course. Oh well though, because she's moved on the greener pastures and something much more entertaining by placing a random lake with lots of water in it, to simply see if you can walk on it like NEENJA!"

_: gurgle gurgle bubble bubble-PLOP.:_

"….Naminè?"

…

_Oh Hey! Roxas! This is your chance to totally score with her! Go rescue her and then perform CPR! DOOOOOOO IT!_

"What is this…'CPR?' you speak of?"

_Dude. How do you __**not**__ know what CPR is? It's like, a life line for us geeks who could never score any-oh, wait, I mean geeks like __**you**__-I'm the keyblade-freakin' MASTAH. I get different area codes everywhere I turn man._

"Why would you need area codes…?"

_Numbers man! Numbers! Area codes as in numbers and calling up them bitches and-_

"That means you've been cheating on Kairi??? For-SHAME."

_Is that even the proper spelling of the word?_

: Naminè is waiting to be rescued:

"How should I know? The author would look it up but she thinks it would be too troublesome, like what that pineapple head of a person-that character from that one show would think."

_Who? Shikamaru? How do you __**not**__ know his name?! How am I __**apart**__ of __**you! It's disgraceful!**_

"Luck of the trade?"

_I'm committing suicide when I am free again._

"Damn."

"Hey, Roxas." Turning to see who had addressed him in such an aloof manner, Roxas' eyes sparkled when they fell upon the ever so sexy Riku.

"Hey buddy! Been a long time!"

"Yeah, yeah…you might want to get that." Pointing carelessly at the upside down floating form of Naminè in the pool of water, he then stared blankly at the confused Roxas. "That's a human." With no response still, Riku proceeded to slap his own forehead-wait, no, he halted a millisecond away from his forehead, turned his palm and then slapped Roxas across the face instead before emphasizing on the name of the most likely, drowned by now, person. "It's _Naminè, _go save her you imbecile."

"OH MY GOD!"

Dashing with super speed, a twirl in the air much like a ballerina's after jumping over a randomly placed high rock, down on the floor Roxas did a roll out before jumping into the water with a Swan Lake style-esque move.

"Naminè! Naminè! BREATHE!" Tugging the girl out of the water by her hair, which she proceeded to grimace at, unknown to Roxas, upon throwing her lank form on the ground below them, because having the ground above them would be way too much taxing as to figure out _how_ that could even be possible, he dramatically inhaled deeply, sucking in all the oxygen in the surrounding area before parting Naminè's lips and providing her oxygen. Oxygen that was his, oxygen that was transferred through the connection of lip upon lip, air that was thus infused into Naminè's from through the use of a _kiss!_

_Or, you know, CPR!_

'Go, away.'

Breaking apart from the intoxicating kiss that left Naminè's hands intertwined around Roxas' neck, her legs providing the same action only much more tightly around Roxas' hips, the rest of her body in an arch meeting his own lean frame, he was finally able to breathe again, and apparently, so was Naminè.

"wow."

"Y-yeah…"

"How about we take this to a more private setting?"

"Weren't you just like, dying?"

"…"

"No objections here!"

So, as the happy couple skipped off to consummate their new relationship, because _no one_ waits for marriage anymore, Riku sat back shaking his head, wondering where _his_ true love lay at. With sad and forlorn eyes, the silver haired young male turns to us and with a desperate longing in his eyes, he asks,

"Doesn't anybody want _me?!"_

**AN: Don't ask me to write in a fandom I haven't participated within since like a century ago! You will get **_**this!**_


End file.
